road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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