Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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