i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
