Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
