i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
