If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
