Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
