It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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