So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
