Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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