dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
