Plan B is the new Plan A
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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