did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
