We're facebook friends in real life
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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