after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
