Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
