my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
