you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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