Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
