I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
