His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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