Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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