Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
