I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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