im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
