Well douche your snatch and let's go!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
