Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
