She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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