I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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