Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
