Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
