That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
