Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
