Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
