dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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