Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
