Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
