I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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