She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
what day is it and did you see me today?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
