I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
