Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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