i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
