I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've blown a few things in my day
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
