Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
