I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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