fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
