So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
