remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
