Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
