In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
