I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
