She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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